


After It All

by Madashatters



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Grief/Mourning, Implied Stony - Freeform, Love, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 17:25:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18015188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madashatters/pseuds/Madashatters
Summary: Thanos won. All you could do was sit in the dust that was once the love of your life and remember, well, everything.





	After It All

White nails. You had asked him what color you should get- he was paying after all- and he had said white with a smile that matched his words. You had rolled your eyes because, of course. Only he would pick something like that; something so pure and innocent. He was the only one who thought of you like that, even though it was the farthest from the truth. He had gone with you, watched in awe as the polish coated your nails. He had even let you paint his when you got home; black, the exact opposite of you. But, now, now the purity of the white was speckled with black dust as you clutched at the ground where he had just disappeared and you wondered why you had ever asked in the first place. You had watched him fall to the ground, his eyes flickering between you and Steve, your names falling from his lips, and there was nothing you could do. Around you, your friends disappeared one by one, you could hear Steve fall to the ground next to you. But you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. He was gone, the love of your life was _gone_. Thanos had won and you found yourself stuck with gray nails.

——

You had met Bucky in Wakanda when you were simply visiting to check on the Black Panther. Stark, though he wouldn’t want to admit it, wanted to make sure everyone was safe after everything. He couldn’t do it himself, so he would often send you. Lucky for you, while you were there so was Steve. After visiting T'Challa you were going to try and seek out Steve, he had been jumping from one country to another ever since the Accords, and he was one of the only ones you hadn’t seen since. “Long time no see, Cap.”

He had jumped when he heard your voice, as if he was ready for battle. It saddened you to see, really. He nodded towards you sheepishly, unsure of how to greet you. So, you had decided for him and pulled him into a hug. He stiffened but relaxed eventually and hugged you back. “Yeah, Y/N. It’s been too long.”

You pulled away and took a deep breath. The separation of the team had taken a toll on everyone. One by one you had reconciled with people you had considered family and each one had shared the same feelings you did; they missed each other. But the law was the law and no one could find a way to get back together, though Stark was trying his best to fix it all. You stared at Steve after separating, a beard starting to fill in on his face, and you knew immediately that he shared the same sentiment. None of you would take it back but, you were sure, many of you would change how it ended. “Whatcha doing on this side of the world? Last I remember you were hiding out in Brazil.”

He chuckled quietly, “I probably shouldn’t be surprised that you were keeping eyes on me.”

“We gotta make sure you don’t get arrested _somehow_.” You said it casually, because it was the case, but by the look on his face he thought it was the exact opposite. You sighed, back then it had looked like nothing could be fixed between anyone. “So, why’re you in Wakanda?”

He hesitated, his trust in you no longer as strong as it once was. You understood but, still, it hurt. He surprised you by telling you the truth, “Bucky’s here.”

Your eyebrows shot up, “The infamous Bucky? I never got to meet him, the kid had taken care of him pretty quick.”

Steve’s smile was a little more genuine then, “How is the kid?”

“Excited. Tony’s never been more of a dad, it’s pretty adorable.” You chuckled, yourself. There wasn’t a lot of happiness running around anymore. But Peter was always there to remind everyone that it existed in the world.

Steve’s face tightened at the mention of Tony but it smoothed out quickly. “Do you want to meet him?” He whispered.

You weren’t sure why he offered, it’s not like he expected anything out of the two of you meeting. Maybe he saw it as an olive branch or maybe he just wanted you to meet the reason he did what he did. You had millions of questions, the main one being if it was a good idea in the first place. But you were supposed to check on everyone and that included Steve’s best friend. So, you had said yes, and it had changed your life.

——

After everything,  after everyone cleaned their loved ones off and went home to see who else they lost, Steve couldn’t look at you. To be fair, you couldn’t look at him either and you were sure you both had the same reasoning. When you looked at Steve, all you could see was him, even if it was just for a second. It only made it worse that all you had was each other. Tony was nowhere to be found, you and Rhodey worrying more and more everyday, and Steve had lost not one but two best friends; Sam’s remains on the same dirt as Bucky’s. In a cruel twist, Steve was the only person left. A reminder of survival, yes, but also one of death.

You were staring off into space when he walked in, though he stayed in the doorway. Without looking you knew he was leaning against it, a somber expression on his face as he did. He was predictable in some ways. “We’re gonna get them back.” He said the same thing everyday to the same silent audience but you couldn’t handle it anymore.

“How?” You turned towards him and immediately his gaze shifted to the window behind you. “Buck and Sam are gone and so is half the universe for all we know.” His face tightened like he sucked on a lemon, the truth of the situation never said to him so directly. “There’s nothing we can do. We lost, don’t you understand that?” You were crying, when you started you weren’t sure. You glared at him through your tears, daring him to look your way. To say _anything_.

“You don’t mean that.” His eyes were glassy. To see Captain America, himself, cry meant life really must be going to the shitter, huh.

“I don’t have to mean what’s real.” He finally met your gaze and the mood in the room shifted almost immediately. You took in a shuttered breath, so close to breaking down, and he rushed to your side. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling into his sturdy chest as the sobs wrecked through you at the contact. You could feel his chest heave as he tried to keep it in, holding onto you as if you were the only thing keeping them in and maybe you were.

“I don’t know what to do.” He said, his voice thick and cracking. The world was falling apart around you all over again it seemed. “But we have each other, ok? We have each other.” You nodded against his shirt because at least that was true.

——-

Much to Steve’s disappointment, you and Bucky hit it off immediately. It had shocked you at first, walking onto the small field he inhabited with goats running around everywhere. It’s not what you were expecting for the Winter Soldier but, then again, you weren’t meeting _him_. You were meeting Bucky Barnes and, after the awkward introduction, Steve was regretting ever introducing you to him. Afterwards, you kept making excuses to go back to Wakanda, hoping Tony didn’t see through you but knowing that he did. He had even asked you to say ‘hi’ to Steve before you left once. The first time the two of you were left alone was when you had relayed the message.

“They were close?” You had grown to like his voice. It was low and rough, his words almost mumbled, yet at the same time his tone was so sweet. It was the first sign that you were falling for him when you knew you weren’t supposed to. That and the fact that any chance you got you flirted with the man.

“Yea.” You sighed, watching Steve walk away after hearing just the one word. It left a weight on all of you, the fight you refused to think about, because, in the end, it had broken up your family. The past months of you visiting wasn’t just for Bucky, it was to be able to stand next to Steve again and not feel bad. You had missed it.

“And you’re in the middle, huh?” That was another thing you were learning about the soldier; he was way too intuitive.

You laughed with no humor, “You can say something like that.” You shrugged, looking to your side at him instead of the fading figure of your former leader. “Though I guess so were you.”

Bucky’s eyes had turned soft when he said, “I didn’t have to choose.” And isn’t that just the answer as to why you were doing all this. Because you had chosen and it wasn’t Steve.

“I wish I didn’t have to.” You said, quietly, almost to yourself. The two of you were silent then, the rustling of grass and goats the only sounds surrounding you.

“Y'know we’re not being supervised right now.” He said, far too casually.

You quirked an eyebrow, wondering exactly what he was trying to say. “Your point being?”

He grabbed onto your waist and pulled you towards him, laughing at your face as you tried to steady yourself. “I can finally do this.” He whispered, leaning down and kissing you as his thumb stroked your hip. You should’ve been surprised, at not only the act but his confidence in doing so, but you weren’t. Months of visits had led up to this moment, your hands tangled in his hair and his hand clutching at your waist, you were just waiting for a moment alone. He barely pulled back, his lips still practically touching yours as he smiled smugly, “Cap is coming back.”

You moved your head just enough to see if what he was saying was true but not enough to stop contact with him. You groaned when you saw the far off figure, dropping your head onto Bucky’s good shoulder. “I’m gonna come without him knowing, just you wait.”

“Oh, I will be.” He whispered huskily before fully pulling away. You glared at him as you stumbled from the sudden loss and rolled his eyes when he stuck his tongue out.

“You’re an ass.” You laughed, just in time for Steve to get back in hearing range.

“Whoa what’d I miss?” His eyes flickered between the two of you, worried that maybe you had gotten into an argument while he was gone. If only he knew.

Bucky smirked, “Nothing, Stevie. Right Y/N?”

Steve looked towards you like a lost puppy. “What he said, _Stevie_.”

——–

It had gotten better with each day. You weren’t sure if that was better or not. You and Steve had moved into the tower, staying on your floor because you didn’t want to stray too far. Some days you would go to Tony’s workshop and imagine he was there while you hung out with the robots, some nights you’d meet Steve in the kitchen still haunted by your dreams. The night he had went to get you in the workshop was when you knew things were changing; Steve did everything he could not to go to Tony’s floor.

“Y/N, c'mon, you gotta get up.” You opened your eyes and tilted your head up enough to see him. Dummy and You were happy to see him again, twirling around him and begging for attention.

“They missed you.” You mumbled, somewhat delirious. It was a bad night. You had woken up from an old nightmare, one that Bucky would always hold you after, but this time there was only an empty bed waiting for you. You had only woken up to another, worse nightmare; one that never seemed to end.

Steve clenched his eyes shut before taking a deep breath and taking your hands. You let him pull you up, suddenly feeling bad that you made him come here. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Y/N.”

You looked up at him like a child, tears in your eyes without your permission. The robots abandoned Steve to try and help you, Dummy dropping tissue after tissue into your laugh instead of giving you the box. “I miss them.” You choked out, hugging your knees to your chest. It had been a while since you last broke down, it seemed only fitting that once again it was in front of Steve. “They don’t know where Tony is- they get worried ya know?-” You stroked Dummy’s arm as he and you beeped sadly next to you. “So I thought maybe if, if I just kept hanging out with them they wouldn’t get lonely.”

“That’s really considerate of you, Y/N.” He talked like a disappointed parent. “How long have you been awake?”

You shrugged but Friday answered him for you, “Almost two days.”

“You’re supposed to betray your father, not me.” You grumbled. There was no response except for Steve sighing and lifting you up from the floor. You wondered if he was having déjà vu. There were plenty of times where he had to do the exact same thing to Tony.

“You have to go to sleep, Y/N.”

“I don’t like sleeping without him.” You said honestly, your tears starting to fall again. It had almost been a year since the snap. You woke up and were used to not seeing either of their faces. It wasn’t fair, not to them or to you.

He placed you carefully into the bed, pulling up a chair next to you. “I’ll stay here until you sleep, how about that?” You nodded against your pillow, tiredly. You had learned in the past months that the best way to help Steve was to let him help you. There was a reason he always went looking for you and it was because he was in the same place. The moment your eyes closed, you heard Steve fall back into the chair. His façade no longer needed. “Goodnight, Y/N.” He whispered.

“Night, Stevie.”

——-

You laughed as you tried to run from him but, one arm or not, he was faster than you. He tackled you to the grass and you scream as the water that drenched him started to drip onto you. The goats had followed the chase and now surrounded the two of you, making noise to make sure you were alright. You tried to move away but he had you trapped under him and between his thighs. “You’re getting me all wet, get _off,_ you caveman!”

“Oh, really? Who’s fault is that?” He shook his head like a dog, the spray of water from his hair hitting you directly.

You screamed, hitting his chest as you did, “It was your own damn fault that you fell into that water!”

He laid down completely on you and you groaned as your own clothes started to get soaked. “See, what I remember is a certain someone pushing me into the pond.”

“Well maybe you should get your memory checked.” He laughed and settled even more, his head resting on your chest. You begrudgingly open your legs so he could lay between them instead of on them. “Comfortable?” You asked sarcastically.

“Very.” he leaned up just to give you as kiss and settled back onto your chest. Despite the feeling of wet clothes and the weight of a supersoldier  on top of you, you were perfectly at peace. You stared up at the beautiful Wakanda sky, a sunset just starting, while Bucky’s children laid around you, no longer worried that their parents were fighting. He always hated when you called them his kids, pun very much intended, but you knew he secretly loved it.

You took a deep, content breath, and combed his wet hair with your hand. “I love you, James.”

A second barely passed before he said, “I love you too, Y/N.” You smiled as the sky began to turn pink, mirroring the feeling that was suddenly in your chest. You never thought your life would be so perfect.

——-

You thought you were hallucinating. That someone was pulling a cruel trick or maybe you had fallen asleep in the middle of battle and this was all a dream. But you could feel the blood trickling down your head and the ache that was suddenly in your chest. This was real but it _couldn’t_ be. Bucky stood in front of you, hesitant and cautious as he stood there.

His arms were out stretched, as if he wanted to hug you but he didn’t know if he could. If this was real, you would’ve begged for him to. “Hey, love.”

A sob broke through you and, before you knew it, you were running towards him in the middle of chaos. You slammed into him, scared that he was going to disappear again if you didn’t hang on. He didn’t seem to mind the tight grip, holding onto as tight as he could without crushing you. Running into his arms, being surrounded by his smell and warmth, it felt like coming home.  You pulled back just enough to grab onto his face and place your foreheads together. “Please tell me this is real.” You whispered, desperately. You couldn’t look him in the eye, not until you _knew_.

“Your nails aren’t done.” He said, shocked, as if he hadn’t been gone for almost a year. Like nothing had happened since then and, in that moment, you knew it was real.

You choked out another sob before pressing your lips to his. It wasn’t so much a kiss as an act of desperation. Around you, your friends still fought, destruction still being wrecked on the war zone you had created to get them back but you didn’t care. You had got them back, you had found a way. Steve was right. You pulled back, finally looking into the eyes you had missed for so long. “I love you.”

“And, I, you.” Another sob wracked through you at his words, at the sincerity and look in his eyes. It had been so long. He wiped the drying blood on your head away with his metal arm, the Winter Soldier quickly taking over. “Now, how bout you say we take care of this so we can go home to the kids?”

You smiled, genuinely smiled, for the first time in months. “Lets.” You pecked his lips one more time, wiping your eyes and letting yourself leave his arms. You wouldn’t lose him again, you were going to make sure of that

**Author's Note:**

> This is my absolute favorite fic ive ever written, at least reader wise so I hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment and let me know!t


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